Movie Trailer Tragedy
by Kevin3
Summary: A parody of the horrible state of HP fanfiction since book 7, featuring an all-new Harry Potter trailer of epic proportions.


This is a parody of... well, the general state of Harry Potter fanfiction and the era of good fanfiction that Book 7 killed off.

--

**Movie Trailer Tragedy**

by Kevin

Disclaimer: Due to copyright violation lawsuits, I no longer claim to be JK Rowling or own the rights to Harry Potter.

--

"Harry? Are you going to come out of there anytime soon?"

Harry grimaced at Ginny's words, laying back in his bed in room lit only by a blinded window.

A slow creaking sound echoed as Ginny slowly entered the room. "Honey," she said gently, walking over to the bed. "What's wrong?"

Harry closed his eyes and she ran her fingers through his middle-aged hair.

"Ginny," he whispered back, "When's the last time anything... well..."

Ginny gently prodded, "last time anything..."

Harry sighed. "The last time anything _exciting _happened?"

"Well... that's not a very fair question," Ginny said back softly. "I mean, we went through an awful lot when we were back at Hogwarts - _any _life is going to seem boring after that."

"No," Harry said, shaking his head. "I mean, anything even remotely exciting. All we ever do anymore is fluff fics describing how we got together, or have occasional cameos for stories involving our kids - and all those stories are as entertaining as the book Hermione wrote on Numerology. Our kids have, well, boring lives."

"Well, maybe you should be thankful that they're boring," Ginny chided. "I mean, do you honestly _want _our kids involved in life or death adventures?"

"It's just... I want _something_. When's the last time, after the 7th book came out, that any story really had a purpose? An action or adventure that involved a compelling plot? Anything besides mind-numbing fluff without a _smidgen _of drama?"

"Hmmm..." Ginny said, thinking. "Well, maybe you're right. Tell you what, let me talk it over with my family, and we'll see if we can do something about it. But until then, stop moping, get your butt out of bed, and help me getting the house cleaned up for Bill coming over."

--

Several days later, when Ron, Hermione, and Bill were over, Ginny stepped up to Harry as he was folding some errant laundry. "Well, we've come up with something?"

"Huh?" Harry asked. "Come up with something about what?"

"The nothing-ever-exciting problem you were whining about."

"Whining?" Harry protested.

"So, we came up with something to help you out. If you'll follow me."

Harry obligingly walked with Ginny as she led him to their living room, only insead of the usual fireplace, a large muggle television set greeted him. "You see," she explained, "we tracked down the muggle actors that played the major characters, and we hired them to do a trailer."

"Huh?" Harry asked. "A trailer for what?"

"A trailer for your 'Exciting Post-Hogwarts Adventure.' If you like it, they'll make a muggle movie about it."

"Okay..."

Ginny guided him over to the couch where it looked like Ron was trying not to snigger. Bill was usually pretty good about keeping a poker face, but even he looked like he was silently amused. As the five sat down, Ginny pressed a button marked 'Play' on a little device.

--

"**In an age**," came a movie voiceover, "**where all seemed calm**..."

The screen turned to a picturesque scene of Harry - or at least Actor-Harry - snuggling with the camera version of Ginny.

"... **where all seemed set to right... came an unspeakable disaster.**"

Immediately, the television began playing a dramatic and pumping song of action.

"There's too many!" cried Harry in a distressed voice, looking at his wife.

Another shot came up, of a mungo's official. "I'm sorry, Mister Potter... there's nothing I can do."

"No," Harry screamed, grabbing the healer by the robes. "There has to be something!"

"It's too late," the healer said softly.

The scene changed to a dusty underground vault, where Harry was viciously duelling a black-robed wizard.

"Give it to me!" Harry cried.

"Never!" the wizard replied. "The Serum of Folliclocious will never be yours!"

"No! I Need it," Harry called out desperately, fighting visciously as the music crescendoed.

"**... sometimes,**" the movie voiceover continued, "**... stories _don't_ have a happy ending...**"

The scene changed to a bathroom where Harry stared into a mirror as if searching his soul. "Is this the end of it all?" he whispered.

Another scene change, this time to a shot of the duel, where an errant spell hits a bottle of a green elixir.

"Noooooo" cried Harry in slow motion as everything faded to black.

"**Sometimes,**" the voiceover continued, "**...all is lost.**"

From the black a slow dramatic fade-in emerged, as tragic, hero-dying music began to play. The shot centered on a bathroom floor, a large clump of black hair on the floor.

Which slowly faded to Harry staring into the mirror again, a bald spot upon his head and another clump held reverently in his hands.

Which faded once again to Harry, with only tufts of hair above his ears, sobbing soundlessly into his wife's robes.

"**This November,**" came the voiceover, "**see Harry Potter and the Receding Hair Line.**"

The screen once again faded to black.

--

"Well," real-life Ginny asked. "How was it?"

Harry blinked. "Okay, maybe the fluff fics aren't so bad."


End file.
